Tuesday, May 1, 2007

Jealousy

We've all felt it. In one form or another. It's instinct.

As an infant when our caregivers give another the attention we feel we need jealousy kicks in.

In school, we may have experienced it when a boyfriend broke up with us because he liked another girl.

Jealousy is a powerful emotion that can and will take over if we don't learn how to control it.

Have you ever wondered why some women don't have jealousy issues while others seem to be dealing with it constantly? Typically, those who don't let jealousy get the best of them have higher self-esteem and have learned how to quickly conquer the emotion.

Jealousy usually involves a lover or potential lover. The emotion comes from our feeling that this person belongs to us and when faced with the thought of losing him/her or their support we feel jealous.

Here's a tip on how to tackle jealousy.

Think about a time when you felt jealous.

First, try to stay calm. Second, grab a pen and paper and start writing. Write out what that person does that causes you to feel jealous. Second, write out words that describe how YOU feel right now.

Use words like, "Angry, old, unattractive, overweight, out of control, paranoid, lonely, vulnerable, stupid, hurt, worthless, scared, abandoned, powerless, etc..."

Third, list things you can do to deal with it, such as "I could join a club that would keep me busy and allow me to make new friends instead of worrying about what he's doing when I'm not around."

Then, start doing it!

No one goes through life without feeling some form of jealousy. It's how we deal with it that separates us.

Anyone can overcome jealousy. The turning point in my life was when I asked an acquaintance about my jealousy issues. Her response changed my entire way of thinking. She simply said,
"Jealousy is a worthless emotion. You'll get rid of yours as soon as you realize you have nothing to be jealous over!"

I'm not a therapist and this exercise won't work for everyone. If you have serious issues with jealousy, realize that you deserve more in life and see a therapist to help you overcome it.

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